How lucky am I?

Ive got a great family, good friends, comfortable home, money in my pocket ( well sort of), and a good job.

Im lucky.

So why do I feel so crappy these days? I have no idea whats happening with me but I swear I am in a FUNK!

For weeks now I walk around smiling with absolutely no feeling behind it. I get up like a drone, get on the treadmill, go to work, endure the boredom, come home, have some supper, go to bed before the sun goes down.

I cant get enough sleep.

On the weekends when I CAN actually sleep forever I dont, and during the week its getting to where Im going to bed so early I barely have time to come home and eat dinner.

last night I was crawling into bed at 6:50. Granted I stayed up watching TV until almost 8:00...so yeah, about an hour, but i was having to fight to stay awake.



I get up early. 4:00 was the goal, now Ive pushed that to 4:45. I "sleep in" on Monday mornings. 5:45 and skip the treadmill.



So Im doing 4 days a week on the mill, which has lasted for over 6 weeks now. I should really be happy about that.



Have I seen any results from it? No.

Well, other than knocking off the weight I put on over the weekend I guess. Id really hoped that I could get 15 solid pounds off before my birthday. Technically as of today Ive got 12 to go. By Friday that might be down to 7, but it will all be back by Sunday. This is the same poundage Ive ben gaining and losing every week for at least 6 months now. * sigh*



I guess I should just be happy that Im actually exercising that much. No, its not what I need to be doing (obviously), but when I say its better than nothing, thats really true.

The truth is I lost my ability to say "no" to myself. I do OK during the week, and honestly, if I was happy with my current weight I could maintina this forever by behaving for 4 days and blowing it out for 3. Im not happy though.

Right now I donrt know what I feel like, which is probably why its been so hard to write recently. I havent had much to say.

Still dont, so thats all for now.

Blah

Cranky today. Really cranky.

Tired Tired TIRED!

Mondays suck.
They just do.
Even with the proper amount of sleep and no misbehaving on Sunday they still suck.

Did I say that? yes, Yes I did. MONDAYS SUCK!

So my friend Anne is heading to Australia as we ( or I ) speak. I'm pea green with envy! In all her travels this is the one place I really with I could go to.
Why don't I you ask?
Expensive.
Super long flight
Expensive
Not sure if I could fit in a plane seat and refuse to endure the humiliation if not.
Expensive.

Shes flying into Sydney and Ive asked her to PLEASE go to Queenscliff for me because that's the one place ID really like to go.
Its probably nothing like i imagine it to be, but its not far from Sydney so hopefully she will make it.

Good luck my friend!! I hope you meet a HOT Aussie!