Well its that time of year again.
I don't think I'm going to sweat the weight thing until I get back. I'm stuck in a rut and I know myself well enough to realize that I'm not going to do anything about it until I get back.
Oh I'll exercise at the beach. Hell maybe that will even get me back into it again.
We'll see.
I'm so sick of beating myself up.
I'm taking a vacation from it all.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Disappointment
Disappointment.
He canceled. Well not exactly canceled. He said he wasn't sure because his sister and brother in law were coming into town blah blah blah. Like he didn't know this on Sunday. Needless to say I have once again erased his number and all signs of him.
Whatever....
So because of my disappointment combined with getting home a little late, I didn't work out.
Today, however, I have no excuse.
So we'll see.
I'm in a funk.
Men suck.
He canceled. Well not exactly canceled. He said he wasn't sure because his sister and brother in law were coming into town blah blah blah. Like he didn't know this on Sunday. Needless to say I have once again erased his number and all signs of him.
Whatever....
So because of my disappointment combined with getting home a little late, I didn't work out.
Today, however, I have no excuse.
So we'll see.
I'm in a funk.
Men suck.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Itch
Every year at this time I get the vacation itch, although usually it is the week I'm leaving. This year its hit me a week early. Ive got 9 days ( including today) until I'm on the road to the beach and I'm already antsy and dont want to do anything.
I'm not concentrating at work, and I'm not sticking to any kind of exercise plan.
Ive been OK with eating for the most part, so I'm again wobbling at this cusp that Ive been sitting at for a year, but I just don't care right now.
OK that's not entirely true, I always care, and I really did want to be about 12 lbs lighter than I am right now by next Friday, and I probably could make that happen if I busted my ass, but every day when I go home I just look at the treadmill and sigh...then I pass it up.
Ironically last year I did work out at the beach, and I plan on dong it this year as well, however I realize it would be easier if I started NOW.
OK ok, I'm going to make a promise to myself to get on the treadmill when I get home, and to do it every day for the next 9 days until I leave.
Honestly, if I can pull that off it will be a miracle. I haven't worked out 9 days in a row in years. Hell I haven't made it 6 days in a row in years. 5 is really pushing it!
I CAN DO IT! I KNOW I CAN!!
Its not about being incapable of doing it of course, it all in the head. I wish hypnosis worked.
***sigh***
OK well I'll check back in tomorrow about that.
On another note, Juan is back in the picture...sort of. Hes been texting me again, and last Sunday we made a "date"..sort of...
Hes supposed to come over to hang out Friday night. Cook out, have drinks..blah blah blah...
If it happens..( I say if because I'm so thinking hes going to cancel) I'm going to be very happy because after all these years of us toying back and forth with each other ( among other things) this will be the first time we have met up on purpose, just the two of us.
The crazy thing is I'm so nervous!!! I mean this is a guy Ive known..*ahem* WELL...for probably at least 9 years now.
Now, its true, the time we have spent together has always involved large amounts of alcohol and very little chatting, so I actually don't know a whole lot about him. Not as much as you would think anyway.
And I'm pretty sure that he knows next to nothing about me.
Years ago he wanted to officially date me, he even said so just like that, but it was bad timing. ( I was in love with the Muffin at the time)
so Ive always wondered if I missed out on something with him. This time last year was when we began to talk again for the first time in a few years, and really, this past year with him has not gone as Id have liked. Very on and off...much more off than on.
I hope to be able to get past that starting Friday. I guess we will both figure that out pretty fast. If we have no more interest in each other than gettin' our freak on, I'm pretty sure we'll know in the first 30 minutes of hangin' out.
My hope is that after all this time I can be myself. Totally me. Funny and silly, and comfortable with him. We'll see.
I'm not concentrating at work, and I'm not sticking to any kind of exercise plan.
Ive been OK with eating for the most part, so I'm again wobbling at this cusp that Ive been sitting at for a year, but I just don't care right now.
OK that's not entirely true, I always care, and I really did want to be about 12 lbs lighter than I am right now by next Friday, and I probably could make that happen if I busted my ass, but every day when I go home I just look at the treadmill and sigh...then I pass it up.
Ironically last year I did work out at the beach, and I plan on dong it this year as well, however I realize it would be easier if I started NOW.
OK ok, I'm going to make a promise to myself to get on the treadmill when I get home, and to do it every day for the next 9 days until I leave.
Honestly, if I can pull that off it will be a miracle. I haven't worked out 9 days in a row in years. Hell I haven't made it 6 days in a row in years. 5 is really pushing it!
I CAN DO IT! I KNOW I CAN!!
Its not about being incapable of doing it of course, it all in the head. I wish hypnosis worked.
***sigh***
OK well I'll check back in tomorrow about that.
On another note, Juan is back in the picture...sort of. Hes been texting me again, and last Sunday we made a "date"..sort of...
Hes supposed to come over to hang out Friday night. Cook out, have drinks..blah blah blah...
If it happens..( I say if because I'm so thinking hes going to cancel) I'm going to be very happy because after all these years of us toying back and forth with each other ( among other things) this will be the first time we have met up on purpose, just the two of us.
The crazy thing is I'm so nervous!!! I mean this is a guy Ive known..*ahem* WELL...for probably at least 9 years now.
Now, its true, the time we have spent together has always involved large amounts of alcohol and very little chatting, so I actually don't know a whole lot about him. Not as much as you would think anyway.
And I'm pretty sure that he knows next to nothing about me.
Years ago he wanted to officially date me, he even said so just like that, but it was bad timing. ( I was in love with the Muffin at the time)
so Ive always wondered if I missed out on something with him. This time last year was when we began to talk again for the first time in a few years, and really, this past year with him has not gone as Id have liked. Very on and off...much more off than on.
I hope to be able to get past that starting Friday. I guess we will both figure that out pretty fast. If we have no more interest in each other than gettin' our freak on, I'm pretty sure we'll know in the first 30 minutes of hangin' out.
My hope is that after all this time I can be myself. Totally me. Funny and silly, and comfortable with him. We'll see.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Another week another pound
Up down up down, another week another pound!
So I ended the week with a good loss, then had a pizza fest Sunday night and I'm back up again.
It really is remarkable to me how little it takes for me to gain weight v.s. lose it.
Actually remarkable is not the correct word for it. Friggin frustrating is much better.
Again, I cant blame anyone but myself. Papa Johns did not come break down my door, tie me to a chair and force feed me pizza.
I wish I was one of those people that could have the pizza once in a while and not gain weight from it.
I'm not though, and the sooner I face that ugly no cheese eatin fact the better off I'll be. I just get so over it all sometimes.
Ive been dealing with this "issue" since I was 5 years old, and looks like I always will be. I know it could be worse, and I'm honestly not even upset about it as I write this.
I look back at the year or so Ive been writing this blog/purge and not a whole hell of a lot has changed for me.
I basically could have written about 5 entries and cut and pasted them over and over again because nothing has changed. I follow the same big fat circle again and again.
I guess I like the ride or Id get off teh train, right?
Right?
I wish I had an inspiration.
Wish wish wish!! nope...no starts out.
::sigh::
So I ended the week with a good loss, then had a pizza fest Sunday night and I'm back up again.
It really is remarkable to me how little it takes for me to gain weight v.s. lose it.
Actually remarkable is not the correct word for it. Friggin frustrating is much better.
Again, I cant blame anyone but myself. Papa Johns did not come break down my door, tie me to a chair and force feed me pizza.
I wish I was one of those people that could have the pizza once in a while and not gain weight from it.
I'm not though, and the sooner I face that ugly no cheese eatin fact the better off I'll be. I just get so over it all sometimes.
Ive been dealing with this "issue" since I was 5 years old, and looks like I always will be. I know it could be worse, and I'm honestly not even upset about it as I write this.
I look back at the year or so Ive been writing this blog/purge and not a whole hell of a lot has changed for me.
I basically could have written about 5 entries and cut and pasted them over and over again because nothing has changed. I follow the same big fat circle again and again.
I guess I like the ride or Id get off teh train, right?
Right?
I wish I had an inspiration.
Wish wish wish!! nope...no starts out.
::sigh::
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