Well, so far 2010 is a total bust.
I got sick. REALLY sick for the first 2 weeks of the month. Missed a week and a half of work, and didn't work out.
After being sort of slack in December on the working out, capping it off with missing 2 solid weeks, Ive now regressed to where I was a year ago before I ever started working out again.
Part of the problem is that I'm miserable.
I don't want to get up.
I don't want to go to work.
And even though I know that exercising will make at least part of my day in hell better I have been choosing to "sleep in", ( if you can call waking up at 5:30 sleeping in).
Last week I managed to work out Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, but only did a full work out on Friday. The other 2 days were just treadmill and a few reps on the bench press.
I was determined to get back a full week this week but today, the alarm went off at 4:15, and I just couldn't make myself do it.
The super sad thing is that when I reset the alarm for an hour later I thought to myself, I'm not going to be any different by the time I turn 40....I'm going to be laying here this time next year in the same body, thinking the same miserable thoughts, living the same miserable life....
What a shitty way to think.
I have been trying to eat better, and been cooking really healthy, but haven't bothered to write any of it down thus far.
Another dream put on the back burner.
Meanwhile my job just keeps getting worse and worse.
Every day I screw up. I come in tired and wan feeling and I leave angry and frustrated.
Its no way to live.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm at the end of my very frayed rope.
That's all I got for now.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Say Goodbye to 2009
Last year went out with a bang. A bunch of us went to Trackside and blew out the year in typical drunken fashion. Happy times at the Track for sure. Got the pictures to prove it too! Then the year really began. It started out a little rough with the announcement that my hours were being cut even further than they had already, and that made me have to really hit the pavement looking for a job. I was, admittedly, taking it easy with this venture. I think besides being scared of the change in general I was just happy to sit back and enjoy so much free time. Why not? My parents ( struggling) were making up for the difference in my salary and I was getting a free ride. Having a fine old time working 2 or 3 days a week. This lasted about 3 weeks before I started to feel like I didn't NEED to have that much time off. That me having that time off was destructive and unhealthy. Drinking way too much, spending too much money going out, just being lazy in general.
So I plunged in to the job market, pretty unsuccessfully, until my sister intervened and found an opportunity with a company her friend worked at, which, as of March 30th, is where I ended up.
During the interview process I was nervous and excited and wanted it so badly.
I don't know what I was thinking.
I guess I didn't know what it was going to end up being like.
How could I? I mean, I knew I was going to have to make some adjustments. I knew my life was going to change, and I honestly was ready to embrace that change. That lasted for about 2 weeks.
Its been all down hill from there.
Now looking back, I realize I had 2 years at least of time where I could have gone back to school, or tried to develop a business in the Culinary world and I blew it.
I realize, and not for the first time, that my laziness and complacency has placed me right where I am, which is absolutely nowhere, and I hate it.
I used to think it was simple fear of the unknown, and maybe that was what drove it, but the easy path is well.....easier. Ive taken that my whole life, and always end up looking back thinking, WHY didnt I do this or that when I had the chance?
Ive been turning over in my head for months what I can do to make my life different.
No one is going to come along and save me. I think that's what my parents have tried to do for me all along, and despite my selfish need to continue it, I know I have to cut that cord.
Even if they wanted to help me make a change they cant afford it anymore so whatever happens at this point is up to me.
So I'm thinking.
What do I REALLY want to do? If I could snap my fingers and do anything, (other than being independently wealthy and doing nothing...I am trying to keep this in reality a little bit), what would it be?
So there are two things that I like to do, and do well. One, Photography, two, cooking.
I did the photo school bit, and I think I could make some effort to build a portfolio to make some money doing head shots or something. Maybe try to get back into architectural, (although that's probably out since everything is digital now) or maybe try doing shows on the weekend with the prints I already have for extra money.
I think some of this is doable for some cash and extra curricular activity, but not a real job.
Not unless I somehow after 15 years of being out of the biz (and never really in it that much) get some business sense and sales ability and oh, a digital 4x5 to the tune of $3,000.
Not likely.
So cooking.
I cant go to school.
Id really LIKE to go to school, but I don't think that's feasible at this point.
Ive talked to a couple of people that are in the industry and gotten some pretty good advice. The best from my friend Scott.
An accomplished Chef that went to Culinary school, and is now , after many years of hard work, a head chef at a restaurant he actually likes. His ultimate dream being to open a place of his own doing breakfast and lunch only, on the beach.
I can tell you, from knowing him, I believe he will achieve this dream. No doubt about it.
Scott told me many things that have given me grist for my thinking mill, but the one thing that I believe was the best was actually the question he asked ME.
"What is your ultimate goal in this industry?"
To which I had no real answer.
So I started to think of what the opportunities are for a person in the culinary world and instead of checking things of that I liked, I began checking things off that I dont like.
I know I don't want to own a restaurant. I know I don't want to be involved in big catering. I cant and have no desire to manage a restaurant....blah blah blah.
So for me that leaves personal chef, teaching, and writing.
The personal chef. Well, I cant say I really "tried" this since I (we..Renee and I) never really moved forward with the idea, largely due to me wanting the stars to be in perfect alignment before I took the plunge.
I still don't count this option out, but I also am just as clueless as I was before about how to go about making it happen.
I bought a book around the time that we were talking about this business and Ive never read it through. I guess that would be a good place to start.
The other thing I think would be really GREAT to be able to do is write a cook book.
OK, I know, there are millions of books out there written by accomplished Chefs and people don't make their fortunes off of them. But maybe if I just do it for me, to actually ACCOMPLISH something that I set my mind to. To FINISH it and somehow see it in print, even if the only copies are given away to my family and friends.
Now that would be something.
So that's my idea. But there is a twist to it.
I cant quit my job right now so I'm going to make the best of it. Really try to make it work and do well at it. I'll suck it up and take the patronizing and cold corporate shoulders. I mean after all, its not like I WANT to fail at this job. If I have to do this Id like to at least be successful at it. So that's goal number ONE.
In the mean time, I will work on my book.
How will my book be different? Eh, it might not be, who knows. But for me that's not the point.
I'm not the best writer, but I'm not the worst either. I think I can narrate a book about food alright. After all, Ive been totally obsessed with it for my whole life, so I must have SOMETHING to say about it that counts.
Also, I'm still on the track to lose weight, so Ive decided to document that part of my life in the book, as I'm cooking and eating what I cook. Analyzing the food content and making myself aware of what I'm eating on a deeper level, as well as creating ways to make delicious food that you CAN lose weight while still enjoying eating.
Yes yes yes, I know that not only are there a million cook books out there but probably about FOUR million "diet" books out there.
This is NOT going to be a diet book. This is a cook book, and if I happen to lose weight while documenting it so much the better.
If not, then I'll still have a great reference of food that I can refer to even if no one else ever sees it. The point it FINISHING IT!
The final link in the chain is that I can photograph everything as well. I can write it, cook it, style it, and photograph it. There are not many that can say that!
So maybe I'm going into this with total delusions of grandeur, and thinking that doing this will some how save me.
That through the writing and cooking and analyzing and the struggle of weight loss I will come out on the other side clean and happy.
And I will have accomplished something I can be proud of.
I thought about giving myself a year to do this. Kind of like Julie whats her name, (not being snide, I really don't know her last name) from "Julie and Julia", and maybe I was a little inspired by her story, but I'm not expecting to gain thousands of readers that send me money via Pay Pal to continue my journey.
This ones all on me. If I'm done in a year, great. If not, then I'm at least hoping that this time next year I can look back at my progress and be happy with it. In both my "real" work life and my "hopeful" one.
Happy New Year.
So I plunged in to the job market, pretty unsuccessfully, until my sister intervened and found an opportunity with a company her friend worked at, which, as of March 30th, is where I ended up.
During the interview process I was nervous and excited and wanted it so badly.
I don't know what I was thinking.
I guess I didn't know what it was going to end up being like.
How could I? I mean, I knew I was going to have to make some adjustments. I knew my life was going to change, and I honestly was ready to embrace that change. That lasted for about 2 weeks.
Its been all down hill from there.
Now looking back, I realize I had 2 years at least of time where I could have gone back to school, or tried to develop a business in the Culinary world and I blew it.
I realize, and not for the first time, that my laziness and complacency has placed me right where I am, which is absolutely nowhere, and I hate it.
I used to think it was simple fear of the unknown, and maybe that was what drove it, but the easy path is well.....easier. Ive taken that my whole life, and always end up looking back thinking, WHY didnt I do this or that when I had the chance?
Ive been turning over in my head for months what I can do to make my life different.
No one is going to come along and save me. I think that's what my parents have tried to do for me all along, and despite my selfish need to continue it, I know I have to cut that cord.
Even if they wanted to help me make a change they cant afford it anymore so whatever happens at this point is up to me.
So I'm thinking.
What do I REALLY want to do? If I could snap my fingers and do anything, (other than being independently wealthy and doing nothing...I am trying to keep this in reality a little bit), what would it be?
So there are two things that I like to do, and do well. One, Photography, two, cooking.
I did the photo school bit, and I think I could make some effort to build a portfolio to make some money doing head shots or something. Maybe try to get back into architectural, (although that's probably out since everything is digital now) or maybe try doing shows on the weekend with the prints I already have for extra money.
I think some of this is doable for some cash and extra curricular activity, but not a real job.
Not unless I somehow after 15 years of being out of the biz (and never really in it that much) get some business sense and sales ability and oh, a digital 4x5 to the tune of $3,000.
Not likely.
So cooking.
I cant go to school.
Id really LIKE to go to school, but I don't think that's feasible at this point.
Ive talked to a couple of people that are in the industry and gotten some pretty good advice. The best from my friend Scott.
An accomplished Chef that went to Culinary school, and is now , after many years of hard work, a head chef at a restaurant he actually likes. His ultimate dream being to open a place of his own doing breakfast and lunch only, on the beach.
I can tell you, from knowing him, I believe he will achieve this dream. No doubt about it.
Scott told me many things that have given me grist for my thinking mill, but the one thing that I believe was the best was actually the question he asked ME.
"What is your ultimate goal in this industry?"
To which I had no real answer.
So I started to think of what the opportunities are for a person in the culinary world and instead of checking things of that I liked, I began checking things off that I dont like.
I know I don't want to own a restaurant. I know I don't want to be involved in big catering. I cant and have no desire to manage a restaurant....blah blah blah.
So for me that leaves personal chef, teaching, and writing.
The personal chef. Well, I cant say I really "tried" this since I (we..Renee and I) never really moved forward with the idea, largely due to me wanting the stars to be in perfect alignment before I took the plunge.
I still don't count this option out, but I also am just as clueless as I was before about how to go about making it happen.
I bought a book around the time that we were talking about this business and Ive never read it through. I guess that would be a good place to start.
The other thing I think would be really GREAT to be able to do is write a cook book.
OK, I know, there are millions of books out there written by accomplished Chefs and people don't make their fortunes off of them. But maybe if I just do it for me, to actually ACCOMPLISH something that I set my mind to. To FINISH it and somehow see it in print, even if the only copies are given away to my family and friends.
Now that would be something.
So that's my idea. But there is a twist to it.
I cant quit my job right now so I'm going to make the best of it. Really try to make it work and do well at it. I'll suck it up and take the patronizing and cold corporate shoulders. I mean after all, its not like I WANT to fail at this job. If I have to do this Id like to at least be successful at it. So that's goal number ONE.
In the mean time, I will work on my book.
How will my book be different? Eh, it might not be, who knows. But for me that's not the point.
I'm not the best writer, but I'm not the worst either. I think I can narrate a book about food alright. After all, Ive been totally obsessed with it for my whole life, so I must have SOMETHING to say about it that counts.
Also, I'm still on the track to lose weight, so Ive decided to document that part of my life in the book, as I'm cooking and eating what I cook. Analyzing the food content and making myself aware of what I'm eating on a deeper level, as well as creating ways to make delicious food that you CAN lose weight while still enjoying eating.
Yes yes yes, I know that not only are there a million cook books out there but probably about FOUR million "diet" books out there.
This is NOT going to be a diet book. This is a cook book, and if I happen to lose weight while documenting it so much the better.
If not, then I'll still have a great reference of food that I can refer to even if no one else ever sees it. The point it FINISHING IT!
The final link in the chain is that I can photograph everything as well. I can write it, cook it, style it, and photograph it. There are not many that can say that!
So maybe I'm going into this with total delusions of grandeur, and thinking that doing this will some how save me.
That through the writing and cooking and analyzing and the struggle of weight loss I will come out on the other side clean and happy.
And I will have accomplished something I can be proud of.
I thought about giving myself a year to do this. Kind of like Julie whats her name, (not being snide, I really don't know her last name) from "Julie and Julia", and maybe I was a little inspired by her story, but I'm not expecting to gain thousands of readers that send me money via Pay Pal to continue my journey.
This ones all on me. If I'm done in a year, great. If not, then I'm at least hoping that this time next year I can look back at my progress and be happy with it. In both my "real" work life and my "hopeful" one.
Happy New Year.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Christmas
Christmas 2009. Every year seems to come to an end faster and faster. This one I'm glad to say is almost over. This has not been a banner year for me.
I sit here at my job that Ive grown not just to dislike, but actually hate.
I know it could be worse, but that doesn't make it feel any better for me on a day to day basis.
Every morning is a challenge to get out of bed and come in.
I don't know what to do about my employment situation, but I have to make some kind of change. Either make this job better ( HOW???!!) or find something else to do.
Ive been tossing the idea of trying to get into the culinary world somehow. (HOW???!!)
I really don't know what to do.
I'm not unhappy as a whole with my life, but I AM unhappy.
I hope this holiday season...which is almost over...is a good one, and I hope the next year is better than this one.
I sit here at my job that Ive grown not just to dislike, but actually hate.
I know it could be worse, but that doesn't make it feel any better for me on a day to day basis.
Every morning is a challenge to get out of bed and come in.
I don't know what to do about my employment situation, but I have to make some kind of change. Either make this job better ( HOW???!!) or find something else to do.
Ive been tossing the idea of trying to get into the culinary world somehow. (HOW???!!)
I really don't know what to do.
I'm not unhappy as a whole with my life, but I AM unhappy.
I hope this holiday season...which is almost over...is a good one, and I hope the next year is better than this one.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
BOO!!!!!
Its time once again for my favorite holiday of the year...well its not a "holiday"...but it should be. HALLOWEEN!!!
I love it!
I used to think it was the candy that made Halloween so great, then I grew up ( and out) and realized that ADULT Halloween it sooooo much better than the kids get it!
Of course there is the classics. Like everyone has to watch The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown special, and seeing the kiddies dressed up in their cute costumes it always a treat. Unfortunately in my neighborhood I stopped giving out candy 2 years ago because not only does my house get eggd every year by the little bastards, but 99% of them don't even bother to dress up!
OK, poor, sure, put a sheet over your head....of course in my hood that could be considered dressing up like the KKK!!
In any case, the worst is the crack head ADULTS that come to the door insisting that they are getting candy for their kid at home who is sick. Whatever!
I'm fortunate in that this year Halloween is on a Saturday so I can actually go out. When it rolls back to the week days I'm not sure what I'll do...that's 2 years form now. Maybe by then I'll live in a neighborhood where I can go back to decorating my front porch and giving out candy. I hope so.
Usually the night would be spent ( if going out) at Trackside, but since that marvelous hole in the wall has burned down as as yet never been rebuilt, Twains is apparently the place to be.
I hope we have a blast! I'm really looking forward to it and lets face it, I need a good night out.
Ahhhh Halloween!!
The one night of the year you can dress slutty and no one cares..in fact, its encouraged!
SO lets all have a great one and start the fall out right!!!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN CHARLIE BROWN!!
I love it!
I used to think it was the candy that made Halloween so great, then I grew up ( and out) and realized that ADULT Halloween it sooooo much better than the kids get it!
Of course there is the classics. Like everyone has to watch The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown special, and seeing the kiddies dressed up in their cute costumes it always a treat. Unfortunately in my neighborhood I stopped giving out candy 2 years ago because not only does my house get eggd every year by the little bastards, but 99% of them don't even bother to dress up!
OK, poor, sure, put a sheet over your head....of course in my hood that could be considered dressing up like the KKK!!
In any case, the worst is the crack head ADULTS that come to the door insisting that they are getting candy for their kid at home who is sick. Whatever!
I'm fortunate in that this year Halloween is on a Saturday so I can actually go out. When it rolls back to the week days I'm not sure what I'll do...that's 2 years form now. Maybe by then I'll live in a neighborhood where I can go back to decorating my front porch and giving out candy. I hope so.
Usually the night would be spent ( if going out) at Trackside, but since that marvelous hole in the wall has burned down as as yet never been rebuilt, Twains is apparently the place to be.
I hope we have a blast! I'm really looking forward to it and lets face it, I need a good night out.
Ahhhh Halloween!!
The one night of the year you can dress slutty and no one cares..in fact, its encouraged!
SO lets all have a great one and start the fall out right!!!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN CHARLIE BROWN!!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Fall
Wow, its October. Where does the time go?
Last night I got up when I was about to go to sleep to put an extra blanket on the bed. Yep, its fall.
Fall is a great time of year in Georgia. Even though as a rule I'm not a huge fan of this city, the weather really is pretty nice overall.
So here's whats been going on....
In a nut shell: Football season has been great! Alabama has won every game so far and looks like a real fighting team this year. My weekends have been spent either preparing for, watching, or recovering from football Saturdays. We've spent a few games at Nancy & Shelleys house, one at my parents house, and last weekend was a party at my house.
It was a beautiful day. We set up the TV on the deck and had turkey chili that I made the night before. Everyone was cheering, laughing drinking and eating.
Even though there were a few people missing that I would have loved to have seen there, overall it was a great day. Really could not have asked for better weather or company.
The job seems to be rolling along too. Honestly nothing positive or particularly negative to report, and I'm thinking that's just the way this job is going to be. I'm glad and blessed to have it though so no complaints.
Socially Ive just been, well unsocial...wait, that's not entirely true I mean I do see people every Saturday for the games so I guess I'm actually more social than I have been in a while. It just doesn't necessarily feel that way if I'm just going over to peoples houses and not "out".
This weekend is an out of town one for the folks and we have the option of going up for the weekend. I was really pulling for one last pool day but it doesn't look like its in the cards. We've actually only had one since we've come back from the beach, which is unusual. Oh we swam at night the one time I was up there for football, but theres been only one last day of sunshine and laying out. I do miss that.
Its funny, I love the fall. The change of season, the leaves falling off the trees, and the cool weather coming in, but I miss summer. I never used to be a summer person but in the last few years Ive come to really enjoy it in spite of the fact that I am usually forced indoors in social situations due to the fact that I wear so many "foundation garments", and am usually roasting in any kind of heat. No shorts either in public. So what do I miss?
Well for one thing I really miss the pool days.
I love going to my parents house.Its private, and I can let it all hang out there. The sun feels great and I love swimming!
I look forward to opening pool day for months, and the season, although usually longer than most people have in Atlanta, is never long enough.
On the other hand, the fall is a great time too. Its as if we get a special gift for having to say goodbye to summer. I mean even if your not a football fan theres all kinds of things that go on from now until January.
Old man winter...January...
That's the time when I REALLY start to miss summer. Nothing to do, crappy weather and no holidays.
So lets not go there just yet!
Anyhooo, things are good. I'm happy and just trotting along it seems. Still working out in the morning, and working Saturdays in to the picture. I'm so glad Ive been keeping up with this routine, and a couple of weeks ago I got confirmation that it has not gone unnoticed.
I was out at Thinking Man, and more than one person that I have as friends on my Facebook page came up to me and congratulated me on getting up and hitting the treadmill at 4AM every morning.
It really made me feel great. There is still no great weight loss happening, and although I really want there to be I'm totally satisfied with myself at the moment.
These changes Ive been making over the past 6 months have definitely been slow, but I feel like because of that slowness they are here to stay, and that makes them worth waiting for.
So life rolls into fall and with it I hope my good fortune and great life continue drama free and with the glass very much half full. :)
Last night I got up when I was about to go to sleep to put an extra blanket on the bed. Yep, its fall.
Fall is a great time of year in Georgia. Even though as a rule I'm not a huge fan of this city, the weather really is pretty nice overall.
So here's whats been going on....
In a nut shell: Football season has been great! Alabama has won every game so far and looks like a real fighting team this year. My weekends have been spent either preparing for, watching, or recovering from football Saturdays. We've spent a few games at Nancy & Shelleys house, one at my parents house, and last weekend was a party at my house.
It was a beautiful day. We set up the TV on the deck and had turkey chili that I made the night before. Everyone was cheering, laughing drinking and eating.
Even though there were a few people missing that I would have loved to have seen there, overall it was a great day. Really could not have asked for better weather or company.
The job seems to be rolling along too. Honestly nothing positive or particularly negative to report, and I'm thinking that's just the way this job is going to be. I'm glad and blessed to have it though so no complaints.
Socially Ive just been, well unsocial...wait, that's not entirely true I mean I do see people every Saturday for the games so I guess I'm actually more social than I have been in a while. It just doesn't necessarily feel that way if I'm just going over to peoples houses and not "out".
This weekend is an out of town one for the folks and we have the option of going up for the weekend. I was really pulling for one last pool day but it doesn't look like its in the cards. We've actually only had one since we've come back from the beach, which is unusual. Oh we swam at night the one time I was up there for football, but theres been only one last day of sunshine and laying out. I do miss that.
Its funny, I love the fall. The change of season, the leaves falling off the trees, and the cool weather coming in, but I miss summer. I never used to be a summer person but in the last few years Ive come to really enjoy it in spite of the fact that I am usually forced indoors in social situations due to the fact that I wear so many "foundation garments", and am usually roasting in any kind of heat. No shorts either in public. So what do I miss?
Well for one thing I really miss the pool days.
I love going to my parents house.Its private, and I can let it all hang out there. The sun feels great and I love swimming!
I look forward to opening pool day for months, and the season, although usually longer than most people have in Atlanta, is never long enough.
On the other hand, the fall is a great time too. Its as if we get a special gift for having to say goodbye to summer. I mean even if your not a football fan theres all kinds of things that go on from now until January.
Old man winter...January...
That's the time when I REALLY start to miss summer. Nothing to do, crappy weather and no holidays.
So lets not go there just yet!
Anyhooo, things are good. I'm happy and just trotting along it seems. Still working out in the morning, and working Saturdays in to the picture. I'm so glad Ive been keeping up with this routine, and a couple of weeks ago I got confirmation that it has not gone unnoticed.
I was out at Thinking Man, and more than one person that I have as friends on my Facebook page came up to me and congratulated me on getting up and hitting the treadmill at 4AM every morning.
It really made me feel great. There is still no great weight loss happening, and although I really want there to be I'm totally satisfied with myself at the moment.
These changes Ive been making over the past 6 months have definitely been slow, but I feel like because of that slowness they are here to stay, and that makes them worth waiting for.
So life rolls into fall and with it I hope my good fortune and great life continue drama free and with the glass very much half full. :)
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Waking UP
It’s been a while hasn’t it. Seems like my posts are getting more and more spread out. Well its largely due to the fact that I used to always update things at work, and now with the new job it’s hard to do that. Not that I don’t have time, just I have a house full of people at my back looking over my shoulder and I can’t be “caught” doing personal things I guess. Oh I know people do them, I’m just in a position (literally) where I can be seen!
So here I am SNEAKIN!!!
So update on the beach. It was a great time. Beautiful weather and wonderful company. I learned a few things about a few people too, myself included.
There was a point when one of my sisters, who has totally changed her body and life, and is pretty much as miserable as ever, or so it seems by her attitude anyway.
She’s so self involved now that she is convinced I’m “jealous” of her.
Jealous of what? Well let’s see. She’s successful, thin, pretty, and just had a body makeover thanks to 18K worth of surgery. So yeah, on the outside I can see where she might think I would be jealous.
But she’s miserable. I mean really. She’s harsh. Her tone of voice says it all. She can speak 5 words and you feel like you want to back away.
AM I jealous of her? No. ………No. I can honestly say I’m not.
Also, I was really pissed at her for saying that at first, but now I’m glad, because it held up a mirror to my own life that I really didn’t see before, and guess what? I’m happy!
Do I wish I had more money? Yes, of course. Do I wish I had stayed in college and done something different with my life? Sure. Do I wish I had not gained back so much of the weight I fought so hard to lose? Of course!
BUT………..
I’m a totally different person than I was 9 years ago.
Oh She is as well, and I think in our own ways we BOTH have improved ourselves. She has physically changed, and worked very hard to do so.
I know how she feels right now, (even if she doesnt realize it).
Ive said this a million times...
When I lost all that weight before, I thought all my problems were going to be over. But they weren’t.
She thinks she is the expert at dieting…(and said so, literally), and throws her opinion about with venom without realizing it.
I never ONCE in the time that I was actually thinner than her (first and only time in my life) and working out all the time and eating differently …never ONCE did I throw a
“You need to be doing this….”
Type sentence at her, and that’s what comes out of her mouth all the time now.
No no! Don’t even TRY and disagree, or have your own opinion based on your OWN experiences, because “CLEARLY whatever YOU did before didn’t work”, and IIII ( ME ME ME ME ME!! HER HER HER!!) have ALL the answers.
You know what I say to that? Write a book honey.
You and the other 5 million people out there that have managed to find out what works for THEM will make bank. But the people that buy it will lose, and not the weight.
Am I jealous? No. As a matter of fact I’m almost inclined to feel sorry for her.
The unhappiness that she felt in her marriage has now turned into a bitterness from rejection of another man that she fell for. Now, unable to let that person go, she lashes out and judges others in spite of her pronouncing that she wants only for people to be themselves. It’s not true. She really thinks she knows best.
Well, I don’t know best for sure, but I DO know that over the past 6 months…maybe even 6 years or more, I’ve been slowly waking up, and I’m not done yet.
I’m very proud of myself right now, and whether anyone else can tell, I do exercise, and I AM working on myself. Maybe it’s not YOUR (her) way, but it makes me feel proud and good about myself, and frankly, after fighting this battle for over 35 years, I think I’m qualified to say what works for ME.
Also, I’m allowed to feel good about myself the way I am.
I don’t require to be a size 4 to feel like I’m a good looking woman.
OK, ok, I know the world at large…(no pun intended)...has it in for folks like me, and yes there are still going to be times when I’m sure that someone is making fun of me, even at this age.
It’s part of my life.
I still feel uncomfortable eating in front of people. Its somethg I struggle with every day. But Im working on it.
I don’t think I will EVER be thin. Healthy, yes, THINNER, yes. But flat belly skinny? Doubtful. Its not in my jeans....(ummm cause everything else IS!)
That does NOT mean I’m giving up to being this heavy forever. It just means I’m giving myself permission to be HAPPY with myself as I AM.
I finally think that’s OK.
So here I am SNEAKIN!!!
So update on the beach. It was a great time. Beautiful weather and wonderful company. I learned a few things about a few people too, myself included.
There was a point when one of my sisters, who has totally changed her body and life, and is pretty much as miserable as ever, or so it seems by her attitude anyway.
She’s so self involved now that she is convinced I’m “jealous” of her.
Jealous of what? Well let’s see. She’s successful, thin, pretty, and just had a body makeover thanks to 18K worth of surgery. So yeah, on the outside I can see where she might think I would be jealous.
But she’s miserable. I mean really. She’s harsh. Her tone of voice says it all. She can speak 5 words and you feel like you want to back away.
AM I jealous of her? No. ………No. I can honestly say I’m not.
Also, I was really pissed at her for saying that at first, but now I’m glad, because it held up a mirror to my own life that I really didn’t see before, and guess what? I’m happy!
Do I wish I had more money? Yes, of course. Do I wish I had stayed in college and done something different with my life? Sure. Do I wish I had not gained back so much of the weight I fought so hard to lose? Of course!
BUT………..
I’m a totally different person than I was 9 years ago.
Oh She is as well, and I think in our own ways we BOTH have improved ourselves. She has physically changed, and worked very hard to do so.
I know how she feels right now, (even if she doesnt realize it).
Ive said this a million times...
When I lost all that weight before, I thought all my problems were going to be over. But they weren’t.
She thinks she is the expert at dieting…(and said so, literally), and throws her opinion about with venom without realizing it.
I never ONCE in the time that I was actually thinner than her (first and only time in my life) and working out all the time and eating differently …never ONCE did I throw a
“You need to be doing this….”
Type sentence at her, and that’s what comes out of her mouth all the time now.
No no! Don’t even TRY and disagree, or have your own opinion based on your OWN experiences, because “CLEARLY whatever YOU did before didn’t work”, and IIII ( ME ME ME ME ME!! HER HER HER!!) have ALL the answers.
You know what I say to that? Write a book honey.
You and the other 5 million people out there that have managed to find out what works for THEM will make bank. But the people that buy it will lose, and not the weight.
Am I jealous? No. As a matter of fact I’m almost inclined to feel sorry for her.
The unhappiness that she felt in her marriage has now turned into a bitterness from rejection of another man that she fell for. Now, unable to let that person go, she lashes out and judges others in spite of her pronouncing that she wants only for people to be themselves. It’s not true. She really thinks she knows best.
Well, I don’t know best for sure, but I DO know that over the past 6 months…maybe even 6 years or more, I’ve been slowly waking up, and I’m not done yet.
I’m very proud of myself right now, and whether anyone else can tell, I do exercise, and I AM working on myself. Maybe it’s not YOUR (her) way, but it makes me feel proud and good about myself, and frankly, after fighting this battle for over 35 years, I think I’m qualified to say what works for ME.
Also, I’m allowed to feel good about myself the way I am.
I don’t require to be a size 4 to feel like I’m a good looking woman.
OK, ok, I know the world at large…(no pun intended)...has it in for folks like me, and yes there are still going to be times when I’m sure that someone is making fun of me, even at this age.
It’s part of my life.
I still feel uncomfortable eating in front of people. Its somethg I struggle with every day. But Im working on it.
I don’t think I will EVER be thin. Healthy, yes, THINNER, yes. But flat belly skinny? Doubtful. Its not in my jeans....(ummm cause everything else IS!)
That does NOT mean I’m giving up to being this heavy forever. It just means I’m giving myself permission to be HAPPY with myself as I AM.
I finally think that’s OK.
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