Letting Go

I'm not thinking about my weight right now. Well that's not exactly true because that never really goes away...but i am having other issues that are overtaking that. Of course those issues are making me want to eat and drink like a pig to "relieve my stress".

So is seems after 8 years of friendship several of my best friends are ditching me with no explanation.
No, it hasn't been said to my face, but were just not talking. I saw my best BEST friend last night and he acted like we had nothing to talk about but the weather. I tried to broach the subject that has everyone in such an uproar an he waved me away without even glancing at my face.

This hurt my feelings, pissed me off, and made me think..OK I'm done.
I'm officially done with people that follow their pack mentality of rules that don't allow an individual thought. I'm done with hypocrites that preach being "Forthright and HONEST" then condemn be for being just that.

Decatur, I'm divorcing you!
I wish I could move away and start fresh. No money and no job makes that difficult.
I'm looking into relocating, trying to find a new job. A new life.

I had several thoughts last night lying in the dark waiting for sleep to find me.

Am I really a bad person at heart and that's why this keeps happening to me?

Do I have horrible thoughts about people? Am I hate full, jealous, malicious, thoughtless or just plain mean?

I tried to think of other people that I know and remember what, if any serious indiscretions that have committed since Ive known them. There are a few. There are some that are exactly like mine have been. Why didn't they get the treatment I'm now getting? I can only think its because somehow deep inside they are these wonderful people and I'm a troll.
What other explanation could there be?

I'm glad for one thing right now. My friendship with The Muffin is stronger than ever. He and I went out Wednesday ( I know I said I wasn't going to) and we talked about alot of things. Hes a very inspiring person. Hes very supportive of me and my ideas. He also thinks the reason these people are acting this way is because through my honesty Ive managed to bust them all out to the girl I told the secret too, because they all knew. They are all her good friends yet none of them ever told her.
Is that what the definition of a friend is? I don't think it is.

I'm so sad and depressed today, but I do have one light. Muffin is coming over tonight to hang out for a while, and we ALWAYS have a great time together.

I will miss you my friends because I really thought Id finally gotten there. That core group you just know will see you through thick and thin. I was sorely mistaken.

Goals for the weekend: don't cry, work out, don't overeat. Breathe it in and let it go!