URGES

Sometimes I get the worst urges to be "bad".
Right now I'm sitting at my desk at work and in my view ( other than the computer screen) is my gym bag. I didn't go yesterday like I said I was going to. I was exhausted and used the Monday excuse, ( which is that I don't do anything on Mondays) and i was OK with that. I actually did do laundry and clean up my house some when I went home, which needed to be done.
Today, however, is gym day for sure and all I can think about is going out after work for cocktails and a nice long read session with Mr Stephen King.
Why cant I just NOT have this urge?
Its not about drinking either as much as it is just going out. I'm convinced of this because if I skipped the gym and just went home I wouldn't drink a thing....or read either!
I WILL MAKE MYSELF GO TO THE GYM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is when I wish I had someone to drag me. To literally show up here and wait for me to put my gym clothes on, follow me there and wait until I was on the treadmill for 5 minutes before they left!!
This is the ME that I don't like. The one that convinces itself that slacking off one day to do something else will be OK..because theres always tomorrow, even though I know perfectly well that if I were to do the bar read Id be feeling tired tomorrow and skip the gym again.
Its a vicious cycle!
plus I'm absolutely broke and have no business being out anyway.
What is it about me?
The afternoon draws itself out and I feel like a melting blob of flesh that loses its ability to make good decisions.
I'm tired....
I'm antsy....
I'm bored....
I just want to go read at the bar. Easy, lazy way out.

I also want to be healthy.
I want my parents to look at me and be proud of the way I live my life.
I want to look at MYSELF and be proud!

I have to go. And I know once I get there I will enjoy every sweaty stinky second of it!