Today I dropped my wonderful friend Gwenn off at the airport after spending the last 10 days with her.
I miss her already!
Its so funny to me. I'm a loner most of the time. In my home, at the office, pretty much every day with the exception of the once a week or so that I see my friends I am alone. For the last 10 days Ive had Gwenn here though, and even in my tiny house we were fine. Existing happily around each other as if she lived here all the time. It was great.
We didn't do much accept go out, cook here, swim and see other friends. I guess that was a good enough vacation for her because she seemed happy to be here and sad to leave.
I was sad...AM sad to see her go. Back to Florida to her own friends and life that I haven't really been a part of for many years.
I guess it my turn to go see her!
I feel strange today as I write this.
I feel uneasy and ill almost. Nervous that something bad is about to happen to me. My job? Maybe. After taking most of last week off and and having only one nasty panicked email from my boss I received 2 this morning. I guess he forgot I was supposed to be off today and tomorrow as well.
I didn't feel guilty about being off before when Gwenn was here but now for some reason I do even though Id made these plans months ago.
My boss...my crap job. I don't know what to do about it. I'm half scared and half just lazy about trying to find something else. Also, there's the catering thing.
If we ( the lovely wife of the Muffin and I ) are really going to make a go of it then I will actually be better off staying with the job I'm in. Its flexible and I'm quite sure my boss would be happy for me to cut down my hours.
Have you ever been in a place so long you begin to feel squeezed in? I feel like my time there is wearing thin but at the same time I look at other people who have the same job for their whole lives and work through tough times. Almost like being married I guess. I wouldn't really know, but I DO know that things are strained there and have been for some time.
I'm doing my job to the best of my ability...beyond the call of duty sometimes, and ALWAYS without appreciation from The Boss.
Oh hes quick to jump on a minor failure, but succeed and hes quiet as a mouse.
So I'm sitting here wondering....am I being a fool for wasting my time there? Should I scrap the catering idea and just try and find a 9-5 job droning away like everyone else in cooperate America?
The thought of that makes me want to cry.
The thing is, I'm terrified of making changes. I'm also terrified that things wont work out with the catering as I ( we) hope and I'll be stuck again.
I guess nothing ventured nothing gained.
Am I just a lazy person? Maybe I am. I have always thought of myself otherwise but I'm beginning to think I really am just a bog fat lazy slob!
Complacent...going sleepily through life...waiting for things to happen TO me...not going out to make things happen.
I really WANT to make things happen, but I find myself making excuses.
I dont know enough about it,
I don't have any money to invest,
I don't have the time (and heaven forbid I give up my weekends!)
I'm fat..they wont hire me.
Hell in the food industry that should be a gift!
I guess I'm just fretting right now because of those emailed form Boss man. God I HATE when hes like that. 8:00 AM mail...I need blah blah blah "RIGHT AWAY"...as if what hes asking me for is a matter of life and death....which I know its not because whenever he does this and I get it to him "Right Away" he will sit on whatever it is for a month, then go into a fit if one little thing is wrong with it!
Maybe if he bothered to LOOK at my work Right Away and give me the information I need RIGHT AWAY that he sits on forever I might be able to do my job to his satisfaction!
I'm frustrated and I don't want to deal with him being pissy with me over nothing.
Ive become his personal punching bad in the last year due to some very bad business decisions HE made.
UUrrgh!! The more I write about it the more my stomach is in knots!
Waiting for another crap email...its lunchtime and he usually checks his mail then.
Has he discovered that I am scheduled to be off until Wednesday yet? And if so, will that send him over the edge?
God I wish I have money saved up so I could just quit.
Just say FU!! and walk out. See what a fine mess he'd be in. I mean the man doesn't even know how much money hes got in his own checking accounts!! Or if bills are paid, or if people are happy! Hes just walking in this fog of pissy "I have my ass on my shoulders so watch out" attitude written all over him!
It sucks. I really used to love my job.
Maybe this is the push I need to do something.
If is it i just hope I don't fall off the cliff in the process.
Gwenn! I miss you ! I had a great time and I will see you soon!!
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