The Crush.

Well I gained 5 lbs this week. How? Drinking and eating anything I wanted...that's how. I have been on quite a tear this past week. It all started out very innocently last Thursday. I was up on time, had been good all week, though had gained back 2 lbs, ( so OK that makes 3 this week and 2 last week)but thought, OK I'm getting serious this week. I packed a delicious salad for lunch and went off to work with a great attitude. I was determined to account for everything I was eating and drinking over the next week, because I haven't really been doing much of that recently.
So about 4:00 I get a text from a friend asking me to go out after work. I thought about it...Id been really good all week, it was beautiful outside, and I thought....screw it what can it hurt? He even offered to buy! A girl cant pass that up!
Next thing I knew it was 1:30 AM and I was driving home.
Friday needless to say, was not a fun day, but I did end up having some friends over that night. One of which likes to stay up very late. We went to bed at 5:00AM!!! Crazy!
I'm OLD I tell ya! I cant do that anymore!!!
Oooof!!
So shot out Saturday, I stayed in bed, not sleeping but not being able to drag my carcass out of bed, and didn't move until about 3:00 when my sister came over to watch a movie. I then showered the scunge of the night before off and attempted to drink a beer...it worked..I felt better.
We then had a beer and cheese fest! I must have put away a pound of cheese nibbles and crackers.
Maybe more..who's counting, right?
I did manage to get to bed at a reasonable hour Saturday night, but Sunday was still feeling shot out.
I think my poor body just gets worn down after a few days of hitting it hard.

So Sunday The Lovely Wife came over with the Muffin and she and I worked on some test recipes for our budding business.
We of course had to have wine while we were cooking and tasting so well, next thing I knew...again...it was 2:00 AM.

Monday I called in sick...I was sick..really...but not sick enough to not shower at noon and order a pizza...damn that Papa Johns.
Gooey cheesey goodness and all just a phone call away!
I also ended up drinking beer later in the day believe it or not.
I get bored at home sometimes, hung over or not and usually when I have nothing to do and don't feel like getting out, I drink. Also, there was the Va Tech thing on TV all afternoon which honestly would drive a nun to tip one or two back!

Tuesday I was OK at work, late getting up and tired feeling but OK. I got yet another phone call from a friend I haven't seen in a while. She was skipping class that evening and wanted to go out for "a drink".
I agreed after mulling it over for a few SECONDS..( yeah, Im a tough sell right?) and once again, after 5 martinis I found myself going hone at 9:15 PM. Honestly that wasn't so bad time wise IF I had gone right to bed. Instead I got home and drank half a beer, listened to music and stayed up until 11:30PM. Getting up yesterday was not fun. Its like after a few days I just run down like a tired old clock.

So I was GOING HOME yesterday...damn it!! I was going straight home after work no ifs ands or big fat butts!

Then my sister called, and wanted to meet for margaritas after work. Well I had to work late ( from missing so much time this week already) and the Mexican place we like is literally next door. ( I can smell the chips fryin' right now!) So I said OK and 2 Margaritas later I was driving home to pass out at 8:00. Which was good, because I am OK today. I finally got a good nights sleep, but with the cheese gorge on Saturday, the food tasting on Sunday and the pizza Monday , not to mention all the drinking in between, here comes the 5 lbs happily planting themselves back on my tummy.....or "the puddin' " as I'm coming to refer to it.

So back in stride today. I'm not going out anywhere this weekend and I'm not having crazy friends over. I'm doing yard work, and I'm sure I will have my usual cocktails but nothing like I do when I am drinking with friends until the wee hours. AND I'm determined to keep track of all of it in the WW site.
We'll see how I do.
I have 126 days until I leave for the beach. I'd like to be 30 lbs..well 35 now.. lighter by then. Its totally doable. That's basically 2 lbs a week.

God what is it that makes me so friggin' weak sometimes? I know what I'm supposed to be doing but its so much easier to slug beer and munch on fatty crusty YUMMY pizza!!
I haven't exercised in a month at least as well. Bad BAD BAD ME!!

I feel terrible about all this but I just have not been motivated. It all boils down to motivation for me, and I just plain don't have it.

What I do have is a crush.
Man if I could just snag this guy , (who I've known for years but just recently developed a warm fuzzy feeling for), I think I would gain the motivation needed to whip myself into shape.
Unfortunately as we all know, usually its the losing weight that makes it possible to snag the yummie boy.

I don't see him often as he works at a bar and I'm trying to stay away from those places!! I may make an exception for him. Hes been out there for a long time and for some reason it just hit me as I was ogling him at the bar over a martini...(made perfectly by him by the way)..I have a crush!!
Its been a long long time since Ive had a crush on anyone for real. The guys Ive dated in the past few years have been a mere blip on the radar that were allowed to land out of boredom alone.
I would love to find out if he likes me but I fear I already know. I mean this guy has seen me fatter than I am now, and a lot thinner too, and at no time did he ever make any sort of move to ask me out.
I guess that pretty much sums it up, but hell, life it about taking chances right? I mean if I don't try how will I ever know?
Anyway, we'll see.
I know I need to concentrate on ME and ME alone.
I like..no I LOVE being alone. Living alone, my ALONE time.
I just think I really miss the crush.