Every night when I go to bed I tell myself , tomorrow will be the day I begin again, then tomorrow comes and I don't do what I set out to do the night before. I even give myself the pep talk in the morning before work and by the time I get home I let it go and do what I shouldn't be doing.
I hate that I have no self control. I hate that I can't seem to rein myself in. I hate that I have a gym in my house that I'm too lazy to use. I hate that I keep getting useless advise from people that have no idea what I'm going through. I hate that I gained the weight back. I hate that I look at myself in the mirror and feel like vomiting. I hate that the only things I find comfort in are food and alcohol. I hate that I hate so many things. I hate that I am losing the battle. I hate that I have no self esteem. I hate that I feel lousy most of the time. I hate that I have a bad attitude. I hate that I cant seem to find my drive to succeed. I hate dreaming of the way my life could be and doing nothing to make it happen.
I don't hate myself though. I just hate all the other parts to my life.
I guess I'm more of a negative person that Id like to believe.
I hate that.
1 comment:
Don't hate the playa. Hate the game...yeah, I don't know. I originally wrote just, I love you, but it seemed condescending or something. Anyway, it's true. I love you. And I love that you can be honest.
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