WHAT DO I DO?

Sometimes I have a really hard time making up my mind.
Last night I couldn't stop thinking about the business thing. Do I really WANT to do this? If not is it because of all the hard work involved or because I don't think I can do it, period?
There have been times in my life that I have tried to do my own thing. My photography, which I'm very good at, but could never sell.
I fought for years to just do that for a living and couldn't ever make ends meet.

The catering thing has been brought up to me over the years many times and Ive always considered it but never pursued it because of all the complications with being legal and the start up costs.
Yesterday afternoon my mom called me and told me the big party ( our Coming Out party) has been postponed...again. People are out of town blah blah blah.
So I called my future partner to tell her this and shes of course pissed, as I was.
I appreciate what they are doing for us. Its a big deal, and the goal is for it to open doors for us to do other things.
So in the wake of this I decided to be pro active and suggested to her that we look into starting small with lunches for businesses. She was all for it.

Now, in after thought I'm second guessing myself. How are we going to make money selling sandwiches? I mean, I know people do it, but I have no idea how you keep your costs down so much that 2 people make a profit off of a $5 sandwich unless your selling a million sandwiches!

So based on this thought I of course want to throw in the towel.

Honestly, at this point, if it weren't for the fact that The Muffin would see me as a failure I probably would.

The Muffin...
We had a BIG chat the other night.
Apparently one of my friends...The Bean Spiller... decided to confront him about what he and I went through years back and the fact that hes never told The Lovely Wife.
He of course was freaking out that said person was going to reveal the secret and was basically begging him not to tell.
Later, however, in the wee hours of the morning ( we were all hanging out this night) he and I were the only ones left awake and we started talking about it.

For the first time EVER he really expressed how badly he felt that he'd hurt me so much.
( hes like the thief that not sorry he stole but ver very sorry hes going to jail!!)

He also told be he thought I was still in love with him......still..as if hes known all along even though Ive never uttered those words to him in any way accept friendship.
I of course denied this accusation....but everyone knows I cant lie worth a damn....
We also both agreed that neither of us ever imagined that The Lovely Wife and I would ever have become such great friends.
The fact that we want to start a business together is even scarier.
He asked me what "we" should do.

I thought about it and for the first time I thought no...let it lie...bury it deep. Never tell her.

The fact is that telling her something now, years later, that really never had anything to do with her to begin with (seeing as how it happened a year before they ever met) is going to hurt our friendship and possibly end their marriage.
The thing I have discovered about The Lovely Wife, that Muffin always told be but I didn't believe, is that shes very insecure.
Knowing he and I had been together...quite a few times...for several months...even if we never "officially dated", ( he made sure to rub that part in!) would make her very upset at this point.
The fact that she asked him about it a long time ago and he lied to her doesn't help.

Does that make me a liar too?

I don't want to be a liar, and I told him if she EVER asks me Id tell her the truth, but that for now, I really didn't want to destroy them or her and I....or HIM and I.
Is that the right thing to do?
Now this whole thing begs the question to me ...am I in the business with her to be around him?
I mean, this sort of would seal it. If she and I are successful I would assume we would be working together for years to come, thus Id always be a part of his life in some way.

Oh man I'm sick....

I'm also afraid the Bean Spiller of the other night is REALLY wanting to tell her for his own selfish reasons...to get back at me for spilling the beans a few months back about an actual affair. ( If your confused just go back a few months!)

I told the Muffin that I will just make sure that shes never around that person again by herself. Not a hard task to handle really. That was the first time they had ever been by themselves in all this time, and by my invitation so I doubt it will be hard to avoid in the future.
Plus I told Bean Spiller that if he or anyone chose to spill said beans to The Lovely Wife it would NOT be some moral triumph, but a malicious attempt to hurt me, him and her.
Nothing good can come of her knowing at this point.
Again..
Does that make me a liar? Or am I protecting the one I (still) love?

Do I go ahead with this business? Do I stop it now? Do I seperate myself from both of them?

Will I die if I dont see him anymore? It feels like I would...