Friday, September 14, 2007

IM ON A ROLL!!

Ive been on a roll this week!
Roll...mmmm...I love those soft yeast rolls...
I digress...
No not a dinner roll, although I could actually eat one the size of a chair I feel certain...
Ive been at the gym every day this week. A 5 day work out week for me yes indeed!
I have to do the thing I dread most today...besides looking at myself naked in the mirror...
Clothes Shop...UGH!! * stabbing my eyes out with hot poker*
I have to buy a business suit for interviewing because Ive already had a hit on my resume and it sounds promising.
OK, lets face it, at this weight nothing looks really "good" but some things would be acceptable.
I'm looking for a simple tailored looking suit that has a long waisted jacket so the bulging mass-o-fat that is my stomach will not be left hanging out in the breeze.
this seems to be a real problem with fashion designers. Either that or I'm just too long in the middle because everything I look at is too short.
Were not talking down even mid- thigh here either folks, I mean just like barely over the butt, which is what a SUIT SHOULD LOOK LIKE!!
I go back to a far off post I ranted about months ago about people making fat clothes without considering the fat people that will be wearing them.
Lets have some rules here:

1. No Sleeveless / cap sleeve shirts..EVER!!
Now this might piss some chunky women off but sorry missy!! If you have arms that look like cottage cheese in 100 degree heat, or possibly so large and flappy ( this would be my own arms thank you) that if waving to a friend you run the risk of knocking out the person standing behind you, DON'T WEAR SLEEVELESS SHIRTS!!!

2. No Shirts that don't cover your bulbous and gourd-like belly.
I'm not saying you need to wear a moo-moo, but lets tastefully cover it up shall we? No one wants to see that! And that goes for the shirt-tucker inner people too. Sorry, but it looks better out.

3. No pants that are low riding or too tight so you have the frightening muffin top!
If you wear these and think you look nice...well you might be beyond help my friend..

4. And finally, no loud large flowers/plaid stripes.
You might think me ridiculous for saying this but large pattern on a fat person just makes you look fatter.

OK so I'm sure there are plenty of people out there that think they look great in all of the above, but I'm here to tell ya.. YA DON'T!!
Self confidence should never be replaced by outright stupidity.

That being said, I'm dreading my shopping experience this afternoon because for some reason I know despite the good sense God gave most of us, I will be faced with the short waisted / cap sleeved police, and inevitably there will be a perky pudgy sales girl bobbing up to me ( in a totally inappropriate outfit) trying to convince me how great that would look on me...ick.

On a brighter note, I got up this morning at 5Am to do my treadmill so I wouldn't miss my gym time today because of the shopping experience after work.
I plan on doing it this weekend too.
I'm back on WW and I must earn extra points to take care of my predicted lushy behavior over the weekend!

Damn I'm in a good mood. Shame I have to spoil it by shopping.

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