Day 3

Yesterday I was so determined in the morning. By the afternoon my resolve was faltering. I got home and not only almost drank a glass of wine, but almost didn't work out again. But I didn't drink and I DID work out.
I had a thought yesterday afternoon during my anxiety too that the feeling I was getting could also be that I haven't smoked since Monday night. Nicotine withdrawal, even as minor as it would be for me, is still withdrawal.
When I walked in the door yesterday evening I was hungry, tired, and cranky. I wanted to get a glass of wine, plop down in front of the TV and eat cheese and crackers.

I don't have cheese or crackers in my house anymore so that was out. The wine, well yes its still there but I put on my sweats and got on the treadmill and within 5 minutes the feeling was gone. It was thankfully replaced by a good feeling that stayed with me the rest of the night.

I will say getting through the 30 minutes on the treadmill was a bitch. A buggery stinking bitch! I was calling to God for strength 15 minutes into it.
Then I realized I didn't have my headphones on and that at the gym the time goes by so much faster with music.
So this morning when I got up to boogie on the treadmill I was sure to get the trusty Ipod. It helped. Not only that I pushed myself harder than I had yesterday.

So here I am on day 3. Its Friday and normally I would be getting out of work at about 2:00, Id go the the grocery store, stocking up on beer and snacks for the weekend.

I used to stock pile food in my house like I was waiting for a nuclear winter. I'm no longer going to do that.

I would also normally be meeting my sister after she got off work at a bar for a few drinks. (This is obviously not going to happen either.)
Sometimes Id just stick home though, cracking the first frosty brew at about 4:00 or 5:00, drinking and snacking until I got sleepy, which depending on my sleep level for the week could be anywhere between 11:00PM and 3:00 Am.

Tonight I wont be doing any of that.

I'm a creature of habit in so many ways and I'm going to break them all. No, I'm not GOING to break them I AM breaking them.

For example, my car is in the shop today..all day..maybe until 6PM. Normally Id never put it in on a Friday because that would interfere with my routine.
When the buggy gets released, weather it be this afternoon or tonight, I'm going to go shopping at the Farmers Market. Yes, even if its at 6:00 PM. This is something Id NEVER do before. My routine would allow that.
Also, because I'm not drinking, and I'm eating healthier I'm going to buy myself something fancy, ( but healthy) for dinner this weekend.
Fresh fish. Maybe lobster or crab? Sea Bass, meaty and delicious at $16.00 a pound! Fresh asparagus, mushrooms, maybe some leeks. maybe try some fennel roasted with carrots and beets?

I'm making an effort to use my culinary skills for good, not evil!

Usually to work out I have to run straight to the gym, or in this case straight home or I wont do it. Its like my mind has a time clock and if its past 5:00 I feel like its too late to start. I mean come on ...30 minutes here...ridiculous, right?

So after the market, no matter what time it is, I'm coming home and getting on the treadmill for my second session of the day. NO MATTER WHAT!!

Then I'll make myself a meal of some sort, even though eating late is a bad idea its better than drinking and not exercising so I'm giving myself a pass on this one.

Then bed. Early, on a Friday. Yep.

Not a bad night.
Pray I can stick to my guns.

First thing I need to do after getting off that treadmill tonight is get all the leftover beer and wine out of my house. I purged my pantry and fridge but I didn't throw away the alcohol. I just couldn't bring myself to pitch 50$ worth of beer and 40$ worth of wine. I'm loading it all up in my truck tonight and taking it to my parents house tomorrow to store in the basement until I'm ready to have it back.
Oh sure I can always go to the store to buy more, but I wont. I will NOT.

I know its strange to think that a bad habit can have such a hold on a person and not be alcoholism, and I'm sure some scoffers out there would disagree and say YEP, Check her in to Betty Ford!! I don't think its physical. I think its mental. Bad habits..any habits, usually are.
I hear it takes 3 weeks to break or establish a habit.
We'll see.
GOD HELP ME BE STRONG!!!