Bad News

So I just came from my endocrinologist and he finally told me what I've suspected all my life about my weight.

He said and I quote, " the only way for you to lose a significant amount of weight is to starve yourself"

...Stunned silence....

I have the fat gene. I used to joke about that but I really actually do it seems.
He gave me medication for insulin intolerance like my dad and sister have too. That should at least help me process sugars better. It will also help prevent me getting diabeties , along with a "proper diet and exercise program."

Thats the best I can hope for....no diabeties but your going to be fat until the day you die.

I told him my sister has lost a bunch of weight and doesn't starve herself, and he said, "yes but she doesn't have your history of being heavy all your life, neither does your dad."
Basically I get this from my dads side of the family and Elise and my dad have a touch of it, but I got the big fat magic bean it seems.

Im not sure how I feel about it.

I mean on one hand Im glad someone finally listened, tested me for the right things and told me basically its not all my fault.
On the other hand its rather depressing to think in a world where fat is the last acceptable prejudice I can do little about my situation short of starving myself, which by the way was exactly what I did do before when I actually lost weight.


Perpetual starvation....being overweight forever...these are my choices.

Im not giving up on eating well and exercising, and I feel certain that it will help me lose some weight but as far as really being normal I guess that's out the window.

Kind of makes me cry.

All I've ever wanted in my whole life is to be normal and to have a Dr. tell me that's just not possible is sort of devastating.

He did add that if I was living in a 3rd world country I might do well because Im built to survive starvation. Nice. maybe if I join the Peace Core I'll lose a few pounds and attract the attention of Brad Pitt!

I have to say the more this sinks in the worse I feel.

How much money, time, tears, emotional breakdowns, loss of people in my life, lonliness, grief, self loathing, beating myself up, starvation, and so much more have I lived through and wasted all these years of my life to find out that I cant do anything about it...

Yeah, this a bad day.