Every morning after waking up and doing the usual business of letting the puppy out and such I get on the scale.
I know I know, your not supposed to get on the scale every day, but honestly it helps me keep myself in check.
Anyway, so I have this dry erase board on my gym room wall. Its got the empty squares for the days of the month on it and I use it to keep track of my weight daily as well as monthly.
Each month on the first and last day I record it and over the months I can compare the changes. Up, down, up down.
This month I'm actually closer to my goal that I had thought.
16 pounds to go until my goal of 30 pound loss by June 12Th.
That works out to be about 2.5 lbs ( give or take) a week.
This last month I have averaged a consistent 1 lb a week loss, with a surprising 4 lb jump today, just in time for the end of the month recording. Of course tomorrow morning I might get on the scale and see those 4 lbs back again, but its encouraging none the less.
Gwenn is coming in 22 days. Id like to reach my 30 lbs loss by then. I get so frustrated with myself because (not so deep down inside) I KNOW I'm not trying as hard as I can.
I know if I really kick myself in the ass for the next 22 days, even if I give myself a splurge day ( one...not 5) I will be able to pull it off.
This is a very important 16 lbs too. This will push me past the mark that Ive been unable to get past for the last year or 2 since I ballooned back up to this horrible size. I need this to happen.
Ive been preying to get this ball rolling for so many years now and I do it for a week then off for a week.
I suppose I could argue that its better than off 3 on one, which I have also been guilty of.
I'm just so sick of not being consistent!!!
No one can do this but me, I know.
The most frustrating part of all of this is that I was there once. I really was. Exercising every day to the point of nausea. Eating ( or not eating at all) healthy food, dropping massive amounts of weight, feeling like a different person.
A new friend of mine recently was at my house and saw a picture of me at about 70 lbs lighter than I am now. She didn't recognize me.
The truth is looking back I know I was so close to meeting the goal Ive always wanted my whole fat life back then, and I just pissed it away.
So I cant look back. I have to move forward. Nothing is accomplished by looking back like that and wishing.... if only.
Its not going to change the fact that I still have to exercise and eat right to get my ass back to where it was.
That was 8 years ago now when I experience that massive rush of determination. Each year that passes I do this same routine over and over again.
Last year I started this blog to be able to look back and see just how many times I basically write the same crap time and time again. Turns out its a lot...
Please God help me break the cycle!!!
1 comment:
The only thing good that comes from looking back is learning. You know now what doesn't work for you, and I think you have it in you to keep moving in the right direction. You don't have to be perfect, just improved. :)
Obviously, I don't know if you will reach your 30 lb goal by June, but I do know that you can try. I'll be here cheering you on!
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