Keeping the Faith

Well Ive been doing OK I guess. I kicked ass last week. Exercised every day and ate very well. The weekend was not terrible either because I didn't overindulge and I kept up with the exercise.

This week, however, I haven't exercised once. I have been watching my food so I haven't gained any weight back that I lost last week but I haven't progressed.

Why do I do this? One week on and one week off? This week Ive been feeling kind of down and not well in general. Could be the pollen. Georgia in the spring time is beautiful but the pollen really can drag you down. Ive overslept every morning and have been to crapped out to do anything when I get home too.
Its going to rain and cool down this weekend though and I intend to get back on the train...again.

I will do this. It might take me...well might...it WILL be and HAS been a lifetime struggle but lets face it if I give up I'm only hurting myself.

So I'm content to at least be doing something. I mean 10 years ago I did absolutely nothing. I NEVER exercised. Hell I hardly left the house! Not to mention I cooked extravagant meals and food, while it was super tasty and I really actually became a fabulous cook, was my only friend.

Not anymore. I have great friends. I have an actual social life, even if its not filled with the love that I desire its still there. It exists!! I never feel like if I walk into my local watering holes that I wont be comfortable, even though I'm usually the biggest girl there.

In fact, last Sunday I went out for a while and I met some new people. One girl happens to be a good friend of Juans. I sort of knew who she was but had never really met her. So we ended up hanging out and at some point she turned to me and just said..."you know, you are so pretty! I mean you are really a beautiful girl!!" I was about to do my usual protesting and fat talking, but instead I just smiled and said , "wow thanks!!!"

Its true. I am pretty. I'm fat too, but I'm pretty and I have more confidence than I ever have in my life. Some people take my self fat bashing as low self esteem. I don't. To me, understanding that people , ( not all but a good deal of them) judge me for being fat is just part of life. That's not putting myself down, its just being realistic. If you haven't lived as a fat person as long as I have you just cant get it, period.

I love myself. I do not love being fat, but I'm working on it. I will work on it until I die.