Ants in my Pants!

OK, its 3 days until Gwenn gets here, well 2 really, and I'm all itching to just play!
I still have to clean my house and yard up.
I didn't get crap done this weekend due to a Saturday explosion of badness!
Long day of drinking at the pool turned into an even longer night of all kinds of fun but exhausting things.

Speaking of...I just don't get men.

I'm on the J train again and I'm just not sure how to handle things with him.
I mean, I know he likes me. Its not all drunk calls and texts. He actually contacts me during WORK hours, so I KNOW hes sober then!!
Listen to how bad that sounds! I'm so used to men taking advantage of me just because they are inebriated that I actually expect it!
Well, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt this time, and I hope I'm not sorry.

I'm not sorry about being with him...yet...I just want it to work out for once with us. I just want a chance to see how it might be.

I know also that when we were together years ago I was 85 lbs thinner than I am right now, and even though he says it doesn't matter to him, that's the one thing I'm really wondering about.
Is this about to be another Muffin story where he likes being with me in the physical, head banging against the headboard way, but cant handle his friends knowing about me? Cause I cant.... I WONT.. do that again.
Ive met a few of his friends, and a few others Ive known in a distant way for as long as Ive known him, which is going on 10 years now.
I know they know he and I have been together, I just don't know if they know about anything recent.

The fat girl paranoia is always present.

Does he really like me? Or is this just a booty call?

Is he going to call? Should I call him? ...* pick up the phone*..I don't want to bug him or make him think I'm chasing him...* put the phone down*...

Am I nuts to be doing this to myself with him...AGAIN??!!

I miss him though, and we really are good together..well in one room of the house anyway.

To bad every day life cant be a good roll in the hay!!

I will say this about him too. Unlike the Hot Barback..or even The Muffin, J doesn't make me feel uncomfortable about my body. I mean hes hot! Just as hot as Muffin or Barback in his own J way!
Strong body, lots of tats, aggressive in nature, sexy eyes, handsome face. Great big beautiful......teeth!

Maybe because Ive known him so long already, or maybe because he just makes me feel good. I don't know what it is exactly but theres something there I don't have when I'm with Barback, or even when I was with Muffin.
Its like hes a great friend I can hang with and have fun with, but be close to in other ways as well. IF he will just make that move.

Frustrating.

I asked the advice of a guy. "What should I do?"
he said,"do whatever you feel like you want to do."

Men....humph!!