So its Friday again and Ive had a miserable week. Well, sort of. I mean Wednesday sucked. Really sucked.
But, in the afternoon 2 things happened that cheered me up. One, I got an order of clothing in which almost everything I got fit. If you've ever tried to buy decent looking clothing as a fat person you know the elation of finding clothing that is at least close to updated styles as well as fitting.
Second, I got a call from the Hot Baraback. First one since December.
Hes supposed to be calling me tonight. Bootie call...almost certainly, so Ive already got my plan ready.
I'm going to be busy. Monumentally busy all weekend.
I'm making him wait for me for a bit.
See Ive been wanting this opportunity for months now but I thought he'd just totally lost interest. Well I guess I am probably last on his bootie list, but in any case, I ain't givin it up this time!!
Bad thing is I really want to! Hes gorgeous, sexy and well lets face it..hes great in well...you know.
Seriously, in my experience nothing makes me feel as good as I do when I'm getting attention from a good looking guy.
Self esteem issues anyone?
In any case we'll see. Watch, I'll be all waiting for the opportunity to turn him down and he wont call me!
UGH!
The weight this week has stabilized I guess. I swear theres a big fat wall in my brain and my body saying GO NO FURTHER!!!
I'm just not trying hard enough. I know it.
Oh why couldn't I have been born like most people out there that don't have to struggle so with weight? Seriously...I could have been a midget..or have a deformity, or be butt ass ugly..but if I was thin Id get along better in life even if I was the most disfigured person in the world.
No one called the Elephant Man fat pig. No one shunned him because he was different...well, OK that's not true..they were terrible to him. And no I don't think Id prefer to look like him vs be fat and look like me.
I just need something. Something to fill the void so I can move past this vast, seemingly unreachable yet so close goal. Were talking 10 lbs here to be a few lbs past my wall, and for the life of me I fail myself every turn.
Maybe this weekend will be better.
1 comment:
I do know what it's like to order a bunch of clothes and hope, hope, hope they fit! I'm happy you had that experience!
I'm sorry parts of your week weren't good. As hard as it is to do, try not to focus on the scale. Just do the right things. Over and over and over. You will achieve your goals! I know these things. :)
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