Tired

I’m tired.
My Dog is sick and I’ve been missing out on a good deal of sleep recently. Besides the general worry, she has a terrible racking cough that keeps her and me up all night.
There’s nothing I can do about it either. She’s old and her heart is just giving out.
She’s made it to 19 years old and I’m thinking she won't see 20. I miss her already. I think when she finally goes I’m going to realize just how alone I really am.
It’s funny how an animal can provide you with such complete companionship without doing anything but being there. My house will be too quiet and my heart will be empty.
Everyone thinks I will get another dog, but I’m not so sure.
When I got Scruffy it wasn’t because I was looking to have a pet. I’d been without pets for a few years and frankly was liking the freedom it allowed me.
But she was different. Coming from another home at age 11 she was known to me from “Scruffy Sitting” a few years before that. The couple she belonged to were named Roman and Chad. They themselves had been together since she was a puppy and she had traveled with them wherever they went, which apparently was quite a few places!
The first time I ever set eyes on her I fell in love! I remember it was a dinner party at their house, and I had sort of invited myself. I came in the door and she was in mid run around the kitchen chasing, and being chased by their other dog Chester. She was a tiny ball of fire and I adored her immediately!
From that time on, when ever Roman and Chad would go out of town I would volunteer to watch her. I never imagined a few years later she would be mine, but she was.
They broke up and she needed a home so I jumped at the chance. I didn’t want a dog, I wanted Scruffy.

Since that time I have adored and doted on her for 8 years, and although I didn’t own her from birth I feel like I have always been her mamma!
She’s a stinky old rotten spoiled little mess of a dog and I think I’m going to break in half when she dies.
No. I won’t want another dog. You can’t replace something like this.
I hope when it comes for her it will be peaceful and at home. I hope I’m there to comfort her and make sure she feels safe. I hope one day I’ll see her in heaven. And I hope most of all that none of this will happen for a long time, but I know better.
So I’m tired, and I miss her already.