Its really amazing to me the hoops you are made to jump through in order to get this surgery. Everyone talks about the raging obesity problem in America, and the cost of health care associated with it, and yet the things that can help cure (or at least control) it are made so expensive, inaccessible, or an incredible pain in the ass that people just don't do it.
My hope today is to get an idea of what I'm really facing, should I go through with this procedure, IF I can even be qualified for this procedure, which is another annoyance.
Ive been eating like a cow the last week or so actually trying to GAIN 8 lbs to put me in the zone for the procedure. Guess what...Ive lost 5 lbs. Crazy.
So Ive decided that I will just beg them to say I weigh 10lbs, or how ever many (cant be much more than that) more lbs than I do so my stupid insurance will cover the procedure.
Again...crazy. if they cant or wont do that, I'm going to have to go with another alternative. Im NOT getting a band, and I'm NOT getting regular bypass.
I'm a little nervous about this today. Although its not anything like the stuff I will be doing if I go to the Emory appointment in June, its still a step acknowledging that I'm here, I'm doing this.
I'm keeping the Emory appointment though, just in case I cant have the sleeve procedure at Kennestone because I know they have an Optifast program.
I'm hoping that today I can find out if Kennestone will be able to put me on Optifast. I'm hoping that if I can start to do that, maybe I wont need the surgery.
I don't know why I feel like I need a Dr's supervision to diet..well not even diet..to starve myself. I know that you have to do Optifast for a while right before the procedure, which ever one you go with. Its suppose to put you into Ketosis as we as shrink your liver, making the procedure easier.
Also, since you have to be on all liquids right after the procedure for I think a month, ( Ive read different things) I guess it gets your mind ready for that change, and sets up a level of commitment which clearly you must have in order to do this.
I'm continuing to read blogs and studies about the procedures and all roads point to GS. My only real reservation about it is if I have issues after the procedure, I will have them for the rest of my life, because you cant reverse it. Its PERMANENT.
So many risks, but so far everyone I have even mentioned this to have been so all gung-ho about it I'm almost in shock. I fell like yelling in their faces.."Don't you realize how HARD this is going to be for me!?? Don't you know what I'll be giving up? How much my life will change? How I will never EVER be able to do normal things?!! How RISKY it is? Is me being FAT REALLY THAT BIG A DEAL??!!"
I guess it is.
I'm not doing this for anyone else either, I guess I just thought someone would show signs of protest for the risk of my life alone, much less the miserable way I'll have to live afterwards where food is concerned.
I guess what I really need to focus on is the fact that Im going to have to say good-bye to food. I'm going to have to let it be a fuel and not something I enjoy, which frankly, sucks.
I keep wondering, what about my cooking? What about dinner parties? What about wine parings? These are things a truly enjoy and will miss horribly. When I lost weight on my own 11 years ago I stopped cooking. I stopped eating so I HAD to stop cooking. I imagine this will go the same way. It makes me depressed to even think about it.
Not the eating, the preparing, the serving of food. I mean cooking is something I'm GREAT at. Something Ive actually considered over and over making an actual career. Could I still do that? I don't see how.
Id like to meet a chef thats had WL surgery. That would be something.
In the mean time I'm STILL looking for a therapist, which is proving harder than I imagined. I think that therapy is going to really play a key part in any weight loss I might have whatever the method.
So we will see what happens today. Onward and upward.
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