Today I had a 1% change up.

Started with training session. Im 5 weeks in now, and to be totally honest, I have had good and bad weeks. Its bee a very rough month. I hit a wall…well a few I guess, but I’ll get into that.

Ended with playing Diablo with Ray. It’s Cinco de Mayo and I didn’t even think about having a cocktail. Ive bene having far too many cocktail nights.

With no work and all this time on my hands every night was getting to be staying up until 2AM and sleeping until 10-11:00 Am. Yesterday I decided it had to stop.

So yes, today started with a training session.

I worked today, just one house, for the first time in over a month. It felt a little strange, took longer than I intended, and I was a little panicked in the mask, but it was good to be back again.

With my recent nocturnal activities I was thinking that Id be missing that glass of wine..or 4..or vodkas…or whatever but not at all. I did my work and had a decent dinner, and pouf! Suddenly it was 7:30 PM. When I realized the time I had that minute where I’d usually say…”oh maybe just one glass of wine..” but tonight I didn’t think it. I genuinely didn’t want anything. Now I’m actually in bed at 10:30 PM.

I’ve had a million thoughts about my day to day existence in the last month.

This is the craziest time in my life. It beats everything,  other than dads death and the time leading up to it, but even in that, the world was turning around me going on as usual. Only mine was falling apart.

Now the world stopped. So little has been going on and it’s been scary and maddening, I’ve had terrible days and pretty good ones.

I got to spend some real quality time with my mom. Probably the easiest time we’ve ever had. With no outside interruptions, and just day to day life up there, it was really good. We planted a garden, and just spent time together.

Since I’ve been back I’ve had a couple of really good weekends with Ray. The in between time of not seeing him when I was at moms has not been great for us though. We’ve fought about stupid things. I’ve even questioned if we really belong together (again), but then I remember how I feel when we’re together and while there are times when I wish he would act or do some things differently, I do love him, and I’m quite sure he feels the same way about me, in both good and bad ways.

I want this to work out for us.

I want a life with him.

There are a lot of stressful things happening right now. Beyond personal lives, work has been nonexistent and I’m being forced to get into the video side of the real estate photo business, which I don’t want to do.

I’ve been wishing I could get away from real estate photography altogether so I’m hoping I can focus myself and do something about it.

Then there’s my weight.

I weigh more right now than I have in years. 20 lbs or more than I was at this time last year and it’s killing me. I started out well at the gym, and one month in, the virus shuts the gym down, along with the whole world in about 2 weeks.

Needless to say my roll was over, but Im so glad I started training with Leanne again. It’s not been as successful on the days I’m not training but I’m not giving up on myself.

I must pull myself up and get my shit together. Make small but consistent 1% changes.

So my 1% “big” change today was exercise, no drinking, and bed at a decent hour, which I don’t think has happened since all this started mid-March. I’ll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow but for today, I’m going to bed happy.