Taking Chances

Well I did it. I mailed him his things and said goodbye. 

Now I am in a place that I am familiar with and unfortunately I don't know how to handle it. In 2019 when I broke up with R he was fine for a month. Then when he discovered that I was dating someone else he flipped a switch and suddenly started pursuing me like crazy. 

That's what has happened in the last 4 days. I talked to him on Friday before he got his box of things. Maybe that was where I made a mistake, but I wanted to do this in a way that would allow us to remain friends at some point. During that conversation he repeatedly asked me not to give up and to please reconsider. I told him I needed a month of zero contact to get myself started on a better path, and he was shocked. So much so that I told him just 7 days. I just wanted to get that ball of zero contact rolling. He agreed, and we hung up. 

He didn't last 24 hours. 

I'm exhausted mentally and physically and I don't know what to do. I do love R, and I have said it over and over that if I thought it would work Id never stop trying. This attempt to keep me talking to him instead of listening to me and respecting my wishes is just proving to me that he is incapable of  real change and that if I went back to him he would be great for a while then revert right back into who he really is. 

I tried to tell him all this just now on the phone, and instead of telling him no to everything I agreed to go meet him at a park that's near my house in a little bit. Its probably a huge mistake but my feeling is that I will do this for him, and then ask again that he respect my wishes to be left alone and if he doesn't do it, then it really is over. 

I realize this is taking a chance that I probably don't need to give him yet again, but I want to see his face one last time, if it is really the last one.