Oh Mojo Oh Mojo, where for art there Mojo?

I have been a real Debbie Downer recently. Absorbed in my own world of troubles. 

A friend that I saw on Friday reminded me that forcing a smile when you are down actually lifts your mood without even thinking about it. 

I'm going to try to get that positive vibe going again. No matter what my circumstances are, its only made worse by being negative. 

Also, I AM going to get myself into a routine. I miss my routine. I see "fakebook memories" and every day my gym check ins from 12 years ago pop up. I was so there. I was so in it.

In some ways I'm back in that position as far as finances go. Pre-photo business and on unemployment from the horrible Engineering firm job lay off, I had a lot of time on my hands. I made good use of it though. 

I remember my routine. I remember the things I gave up and how much I gained in good mental health from giving those things up. 

Looking back at things like that have always made me long for that past. I have to stop doing that. My life will never be like that again and the sooner I can stop wishing for the past to repeat itself the sooner I can step into my future.

What that future is I have no idea. 

I have put myself out there again dating wise. I'm not really enthusiastic about it and already have a guy on the hook that I kind of like but kind of don't. We haven't even met yet or spoken on the phone and he's already making me feel like he is needy. 

I want to strong, independent, financially secure man that I am also attracted to physically and mentally.

Tall order at 53.

Maybe its not a good idea to try to meet someone now. Part of me thinks that I need to get my routine back and focus on that and making money. Another part is screaming I'm lonely and shouldn't waste precious time waiting for myself to get back into shape and feel good about my looks again. 

The truth is no matter how much weight I lose my neck will forever make me look 10 years older than I actually am, and there is no fixing that unless I have plastic surgery, which I cant afford. having those surgeries years ago was such a gift, and although I feel like I was never given the opportunity to really enjoy it before the rest of my life fell apart with dad getting sick, I do feel better about my body. Even now with weight gain and no muscle tone, its still far far better than it was.

Muscle. That's what I need, and guess what? Its free. It only costs time, which I will have if I can get myself organized and stick to a routine.

Day one of how many? Hopefully the rest of my life how ever long that ends up being.