Its been a WHILE!

OK so I really got slack on the posting here in the last few months didn't I.
Not that anyone actually READS my crap, but it is nice to be able to look back on it myself.

Well, a lot has happened in that blank stretch of time. I'm at my new job, and finished out my first full month last Friday. Its been good for the most part. I'm learning all kinds of new things and meeting new people. I think I'm really going to do well here. The people so far have been great. I'm sure there are a couple that I'm not going to be real fond of, but its business and that's that.

The last day at my old job was good and went out with a whimper. I got all dressed up and fancy thinking Bobby would do something special for it, but he didn't and I was pretty disappointed. He asked me to come back in on that Friday to go over a few things and I begrudgingly agreed to do so.
When I pulled up in the parking lot Friday I saw all the trucks lined up and I knew I wasn't there for work. So I got the going away send off I had imagined and it was every bit as emotional as I thought it would be for all concerned.
When I was leaving The Muffin ..( OK wait, I cant really call him that anymore so lets just call him Aaron) so AARON took me aside and told me that The Lovely Wife, ( hereafter known as Renee) is pregnant!!! I was and am SO happy for them!!!

I still had not heard from her since the big blow up last December but Aaron assured me that she would be calling me soon.
I wasn't worried about it. I figured when she gets ready to get over it she will call me and if not then oh well.
So a few weeks passed and 2 Fridays ago i went out to dinner with my Gusband, Sammie, who was moving to the Caymans for work the following week. We went to Parker's on Ponce where we sat in the bistro section and also where Renee was tending bar. After a couple of hours she came over and gave me a big hug saying shed really missed me. So I think we will be alright. I will probably not see her much either way just because we are on such different schedules but I will make an effort to try.
I'm happy for them and the new baby!!

Its funny how things work out. I sometimes think if that had not happened to us I wouldn't have been ready to leave that place and thus would never have gotten this job.
Of course the fact that my hours were so severely cut didn't help, but I think I would have done something part time to get by and waited the drought out.

The environment I'm in now is so much different than Ive ever been in. Sometimes I'm glad about it ...mostly due to the fact that being a "business casual" place I get to wear all my pretty shoes!!, but also because its forcing me to be more responsible and I really need that structure.
I guess I do sometimes miss the freedom I had before, but looking at it from the point of others, I really am lucky to have even FOUND a job much less a good one that has all the perks as well as more money.
I also believe I'm going to go further here than I ever would have back at good old RJCO.
Hell, there was no where else TO go!
I'm going to be OK I think, I just need to stay focused.

So for the past month Ive been, for the most part, getting up at 4:15AM and working out before coming into work at 7:00AM. I get to leave at 4:00 and avoid a ton of traffic that way, and get the benefit of the morning work outs.
I promised myself one month to get used to the routine, then Id start working on my eating habits again.
Well the month is now gone and I did really well up until last week. I had gone 4, 5, even 6 days a week working out, then last week I fell off the wagon big time, cutting it down to only 2 days. This was because I did bad bad things on Sunday afternoon and was sick as a dog Monday, and actually called in. Not "sick" I made up a lame Dr apt excuse that I could kick myself for.
Bad Bad BAD!!!
I swore to myself that I wouldn't behave like that and there I was.....ugh. So needless to say I did the whole Im tired and recovering bit for 3 days and finally Thursday and Friday got back on the treadmill wagon.
This last Sunday I was going to be good too. And then I wasn't, so I was an hour late coming in. Woopsie!
I really know what I'm doing is jacked up and I also know from a comment made today about the "tart" receptionist we have ( shes gone and I'm filling in for her...she called in sick..) to the tune of, " she seems to always be sick on Mondays"... and my skin just crawled.
Why? Well, because so far due to my excess on Sunday Ive been late to work 2 times and out once entirely, and Ive only worked here a month.
Not good.
So Ive just got to make myself behave more.
I cant understand my mind sometimes.

Anyway, theres more and more to tell but this entry is getting longer and longer, so I'll pick it up again tomorrow. Not going to get behind again!!

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

Ive been waiting, and now its here. I got my dream job! Well, maybe dream job...whatever! In this economy I got a GREAT job! Hows that? !! More updates later, just had to kick myself back into the blog world again!
Happy Happy HAPPY!!!!

Change is in the Wind...

.....And not just for the country!

Ive been officially cut at work and I'm desperately trying to find a job. In this economy, not so easy.
I did have a bright spot in my search yesterday. Id recently been in touch with an old high school friend through Facebook and remarkably on the very day I got this terrifying news, she emailed me asking for my resume.
I went to interview yesterday and I think they liked me, the only issue is that the pay sucks. I mean REALLY sucks. Id be taking a huge pay cut to go with them, but the company itself is really cool.
I'm kind of torn. I feel like I might be able to talk my current boss into letting me come in after hours to do his paperwork and hopefully that would make up for the loss at the new job. On the other hand, I really hate the thought of working 60 hours a week.
I know I should be grateful for any opportunity that's out there right now, and I really am. I just wish it wasn't like this.
Frankly after the news of my hours being cut again I really hope to find a position that will take care of my needs and I'll be able to tell boss man to go F%^! himself.
I'm pissed at being put in this position, and I really would love to walk away and know that hes going to be screwed without me in the office. At least for a while.
Ive been here for 8 years and the whole place runs the way Ive set it up to run. Hell the boss man hardly even knows what is in his bank account most of the time.Hes got no clue what bills are due when, or how to use the tracking system I created, or how to do the end of the month reports or what things to get together for our insurance audits...I could go on.
I'm not saying an 18 year old college kid that needs a part time job couldn't come in here and do it for 10$ an hour, but it will take time to make it all work out.

So we'll see. I mean I might not even get offered the job. I have another possible interview out on the horizon at the Ga. State Bar as a receptionist. The job has growth potential and pays better than this other one to begin with. And I'm sure its got great benefits being a state job. Draw back is I feel like I'll be walking into a hum drum world of lawyers and people bitching about lawyers and nothing creative at all.
I feel like the low paying job is a creative place that maybe if I work very hard I might be able to move into a different, higher paying job at the company. Although just how long it would take me to get back to a decent level of living I have no idea. They gave me the impression yesterday that there was no real way to tell if that position would go anywhere.

UUUGHHH!! I wish there was just an easy answer.

Change is hard for me. Work place changes are the worst. I did feel very comfortable in this place yesterday and I wish like hell that they just paid better. I don't know what to do. I guess I shouldn't put the cart before the horse. They might not even offer me the job after all.

*sigh* is this the best its going to be for me? Is this all there is?
If so it really doesn't leave me with a very bright outlook on life that's for sure.

I will be thankful for what I have and shut up now.

New Year

I think this marks the second new year that I have been purging on this blog, and not a whole lot has changed.
Looking at the good and the bad, Ive made some new friends this past year, lost some old ones and gotten reacquainted with some as well.
I'm still single, still overweight, and still struggling financially.

I also still have a wonderful family and great friends and I'm very very blessed.

I don't know what this year has in store for me but I hope its a good one. This year I will turn 39 and I really want to make a significant dent in weight loss by 40 so I have about a year and a half to get my act together and do it. I don't want to be fat and 40. Chubby is fine, but I'm WAY beyond chubby right now and I'm not happy about it. Its so hard to make myself get up at 5AM to exercise. That's been the hardest thing to keep up. In November I was doing really well, and December I fell off the cliff, and I haven't really managed to get back up again, BUT I haven't gained anything back so at least that's something.

Sometimes I think I'm so used to my body the way it is that changing it seems completely foreign. Like maybe this is just how I'm supposed to be. Why would it be so hard to change and maintain it otherwise?

Also, I was having a chat with the man upstairs the other day about relationships and my lack of having one...ever....and I recalled that for years I have off and on been praying to not have the need in my mind to be with someone if its never going to happen.
Now I don't know if its the result of living alone and being single for so long or what, but I realized that I AM happy alone, and I'm not sure that "need" is a way Id describe my desire for companionship at all anymore, so I might have had that prayer answered after all.

Regardless of having a mate or not, I still want to feel better about my body, period, and it would be nice to think that a little human contact is not totally off the radar forever. Being thinner definitely helps that cause.

So I will keep plugging away and let life happen as it will.


Along with the wonderful gift of my family and friends I'm happy and grateful to have a job in this economy. I'm happy and grateful to be basically healthy and happy with my life. So I guess I cant complain.

:)

Happy New year and lets get to work.

The Past is Haunting Me

The weekend brought weird things.
I finally confessed to The Lovely Wife that a year before they met I had been with The Muffin.
She took it better than I imagined at the time. Now I'm not so sure.
the Muffin came into my office this morning and told me he was going to be calling me this afternoon.
My heart breaks for this because I know whats about to happen. I could see it in his face.
Not anger, not even bitterness. More like a finality.

I'm going to be asked not to be in their life anymore.

I wanted to be friends with BOTH of them until I was old and crusty! I wanted to see their kids grow up! I wanted to hopefully one day have a man of my own that Muffin could be friends with and we would all hang out together!

I don't know what possessed me to reveal this long kept secret, but its out there now.

A part of me is relieved but another is already mourning the loss of 2 people that are very important to me.

I suppose in the long run its better this way, it just hurts a lot right now.

Milestone

Well, tomorrow when I get on the treadmill...WHICH I WILL DO!!!....I will have reached a milestone that I haven't gotten to in years. 4 weeks in a row of working out consistently!
Out of the 4 I have 2 weeks with 4 days and as of tomorrow I will have 2 weeks with 5 days.

I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!

I feel it inside me. Maybe this time wont be like the last in time in that I wont lose the weight so fast, but I think that's OK.
Its already different in the fact that I'm doing it for ME. Its also different because I'm motivating myself and staying on the path during the week despite the temptation of my friends wanting to go out.

Weekends are my downfall at this point, but that being said, I'm still happy with my month. I really believe that getting the exercise down as a strict pattern is the most important step for me right now. During this next month I'm going to be going to parties and drinking and eating unusual things so I don't really expect to lose a bunch of weight, BUT, I do expect myself to keep up the exercise, and 4 weeks from today, when I'm writing again and can say Ive worked out consistently for TWO months, I will be beaming with pride!!!

GO ME!!!
00

Post -Feast

Thanksgiving is such a great family time every year, its hard to fault the day for being such a temptation of goodies.
I guess if one has enough self control that wouldn't be a problem, but mine is not so great yet. Besides being off for 4 days in a row, which always induces situations of heavy partying, there was football game day and the going out.
All in all I didn't do so hot eating and drinking wise, but I expected that to be the case. I did, however, work out 4 days last week. The 5th day fell by the wayside on Friday due to my massive hangover and general icky feeling post- Thanksgiving pig fest.
Actually, in hind site, Thanksgiving day itself was not so bad. I really didn't over eat at all. I think the drinking was part of the blame for the weight gain, but again,I expected that to happen as it does every weekend.
So on the scale today I'm up a few pounds from my lowest again, but I haven't given up the ghost.
I'm trying to get through the holidays festivities and all with at least working out.
I might gain or lose the same 10 lbs all December long but as long as I can manage the work out..to establish a pattern..I'll feel good about myself and go on.